"South Park" Review: Ocean's Obama

Without question, this has been one of the most subpar season's of South Park in quite awhile. At least the first half was. The Britney Spears episode and Canada Goes on Strike, while charming, none of them were really memorable and worth watching more than a few times. The second half, though, has been better. The China Problem was excellent and the Pandemic series was fairly above average. The latest episode, which aired earlier tonight, is actually one of the best episodes in quite awhile, giving us nearly everything we want from everyone's favorite animated show not called The Simpsons.

It's amazing how fast South Park can produce episodes. They make fun of Obama's grandmother literally 48 hours after she died. This in itself is an absolutely brilliant feat. While this may have been somewhat tasteless, it wasn't presented in a tasteless way, and the episode does an excellent job of showing the primary differences between the McCain and Obama camps, or at least what the general consesus on them is. It's been less than 24 hours since the election results and we already have a full episode all about it. The fact that the episode aired with such completion is a feat that I don't think can ever be topped without being a live broadcast.

But enough about that; while the episode may break new ground by being the absolute fastest parody ever produced, what's more important is whether or not it's worth watching.

Happily, I can report that it is.

It turns out, according to the episode, that McCain and Obama planned the election and the campaign to work out the way it was, allowing Obama access to the Oval Office and thus a secret tunnel that goes underneath the Smithsonian allowing him to steal the Hope Diamond.

Yeah, you read that right.

There are two story arcs in the episode, which is the standard for most. The first involves that Ocean's 11 parody involving McCain and Obama and even Palin, who apparently dresses in sexy leather with a British accent when not giving speeches. The second manages to show, very broadly, the difference in thinking of the McCain and Obama camps, with Obama supporters partying in the streets until they're drunkenly flipping over police cars while McCain supporters build an "Ark" to hide in until the end of the world passes (brought about by Obama's election). It's a very sharp-witted division that only supports the statement that South Park is, despite all the tight-wadded elite who think it's just toilet humor, the smartest written show on TV. The humor is spread evenly throughout the episode and it never gets bogged down by a single running gag like the previous Pandemic episode.

If there is one gripe I have with it, it's a pretty major one, and that's the lack of the four main boys' involvement. Stan and Kyle have a few moments of screen time as they bring Ike to the hospital after his (apparent) suicide attempt (he was a McCain supporter) and Cartman shows up for a brief second with TVs he looted during the Obama partying. Other than that they're pretty much absent, and I've never really liked when they're not involved.

Other than that, this week's South Park is one of the better episodes in quite awhile, with enough parody but also enough story to keep you satisfied while never really taking any cheap shots at the canidates in order to squeeze out humor. In fact, you'll probably like all the canidates even more after watching it. I know I did. Especially Barack Hussein Obama, the world's greatest jewel thief...apparently.

Score: 8.5/10

Movie Review: Saw V

First thing's first: I cannot stand modern horror movies. I'm tired of watching trailers for these horror movies that are aimed squarely at the idiocy of the teenage demographic and our growing bloodlust. Recently, horror movies have migrated outside the realm of "horror" and into the realm of "snuff," with directors purposley throwing in more and more sheep's blood to boost that rating up to an R. It seems to be that all these stupid kids (I'm one of them so I'm allowed to say that, kind of like the whole "you can make fun of your own race" rule with comedians), for some reason, think the barometer by which a movie's greatness should be measured is by the number of innocent people brutally slaughtered. And all for no apparent reason...because "horror" movies (and I will continue to put "horror" in quotes to emphasize my point) in modern American cinema are no longer about being scared but about having a strong gag reflex...which I don't...which is why I did not for the life of me want to see, or especially pay to see, Saw V.

Alas, women usually conquer all, and for the sake of making one happy, I volunteered my time to this movie. And...miraculously...I didn't hate it.

Going into the theater to watch the latest in the newly-annual series of people getting tortured mercilessly, I had no intention of actually "watching" any of it. In fact the plan was to sit close enough to the front of the theater so that I could stare straight forward and focus on the blank wall below the screen. I hate gore. I always have. In fact before attending college this semester I had to get shots and, the wuss that I am, had to cover my eyes and look away, humming.

I soon became entranced, though. You see, unlike most mainstream "horror" movies out nowadays that throw a bunch of teenagers against either A) vengeful serial killer or B) vengeful ghost and then let the bloodbath begin, Saw V, and all the Saws as a matter of fact, actually try to incorporate a pretty intriguing story. At its core, it's about a man who kills people, but not really, he gives them a choice by trapping them in escapable situations that usually demand self-mutilation, yet at the same time the pathway to freedom is always clear, it's just up to the victim, who is usually a shady character, to be willing to take it. It dives deeper into the human pysche than possibly any "horror" films ever produced (besides maybe Signs, which I think is awesome).

Saw V is no exception. While difficult to put together at first without seeing the previous installments, the story quickly becomes less confusing and more like a puzzle, but the difference is that all the pieces are there, it's just up to us (or me, since I watched it) to put it together. It involes a corrupt cop-turned-apprentice to Jigsaw, the killer, played by Tobin Bell. Though most of the acting in Saw V is stiff and probably wouldn't even be good enough for the WB, watching Bell play the philisophical killer is hypnotizing. His words are so meaningful and his quotations and logic and philosophy so entrancing that when he talks it's difficult to imagine the ruthlessness of his kills. Saw V goes a little deeper than previous installments, actually showing how he set up his numerous traps in previous films, and it's actually very satisfying seeing the human side of Jiggy, of seeing him talk casually as if he was chatting over coffee while he sets up a revolver that moments later will fire a bullet into someone's eye.

Bell's performance is the shining point in Saw V. The best part in the movie, actually, may be the 5-minute conversation he has with his soon-to-be-apprentice in which we see glimpses of humanity mixed with a satanic aura.

The ending is a mixed bag. While it wraps up all the loose ends in a 30-second montage like any traditional mystery, the climax can be a little depressing and falls right into the land of cliches that so plague "horror" movies, and left me with an empty feeling of dissapointment, and even resentment, that the filmmakers would hurt what at that point had been a pretty decent movie.

Saw V is not nearly as bad as I was waiting for it to be. The gore is few and far between compared to other films and Bell's performance is about as transcendent as Ledger's in The Dark Knight or Javier Bardem's in No Country For Old Men. Though far from being great considering its amateurish acting and flippant directing, Saw V is actually one of the biggest surprises I've had in recent memory. And that means a lot coming from a guy who cries after shots.

Score: 7/10

Why the Titans Piss Me Off

It seems like every year around August, people start to make their predictions about who will win the Super Bowl or who will be the NFL’s last undefeated team this year. We usually look at two things when making this determination: a) their record in the previous year and b) their movement during the offseason. Naturally, here was mine and everyone else’s personal list of who would be the best teams this year: Indianapolis, New England, San Diego, New Orleans, Dallas, guys like that who have talent, prowess, experience, coaching. But, also naturally, every year we get this one little bastard screwing it up for everyone else.This year it’s the Tennessee Titans.

At the beginning of the year, if you’d told me that the Tennessee-F*cking-Titans would be the NFL’s best team through 9 weeks I would’ve told you, in retaliation and to show you how much your logic sucks, that 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' was the best Indy movie ever. What both statements had in common at the time was that they were both not only absurd, by downright insulting to juggernauts like the New England Patriots or the Dallas Cowboys or Raiders of the Lost Ark. It’d be like David going up to Goliath and flipping him off for no good reason.

But here we are, 9 weeks into the season, and the Tennessee-F*cking-Titans are the best team in the NFL. This pisses me off. Who do they have? They started out the year with one quarterback, Vince Young, who not only is one of the most overrated players in NFL history but is also a big goddamn baby, who cries and wines on the sidelines every time he gets booed. Get over it, Vince, if I bitched every time I got booed in football in high school I’d be on Prozac. Now their quarterback is a drunk whose eyes get big whenever hears the word ‘happy hour.’ With that said, they do have two of the best defenders in the league in Keith Bulluck and Albert Hanynesworth, but that shouldn’t be enough to merit 8-0 and completely dominating every team you play.

The only explanation I can think of is that the Tennessee-F*cking-Titans are this year’s NFL gremlin; that little team that comes out of nowhere to screw things up for all the real teams in the league. This is meant with no disrespect, because the Titans are a very successful organization historically…but come on…Vince Young?! I just don’t get it.If the Titans win the Super Bowl, I’m buying every lottery ticket I can get my hands on.