There’s something that can be easily deduced about movies with subscript in its title. I’ll go ahead and name some and maybe you can figure it out: Punisher: War Zone, Dragonball: Evolution, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. I’m going to stop now, because if you haven’t discovered the pattern, then chances are you’re also illiterate and can’t read any of this, anyway. X-Men Origins: Wolverine, has a title that only the bottom rung of geeks (and by that I mean the top, elite geeks) will find acceptable, and is the first clue as to exactly what you’re getting when you sacrifice your hard-earned $10 and walk into the theater.
XMO:W, which I think could’ve benefited at shaking at least one stereotype of Marvel movies by just being called Wolverine (but of course that wouldn’t imply that Marvel is going to just keep making Origins movies and make tons of money…from geeks), is about the origin of everyone’s favorite, or at least most marketable, X-Man, Wolverine, played stoically by Hugh Jackman. He’s a nearly-immortal, self-healing muscle junky who, along with his brother, fights in both the Civil War and the Great War, all in the span of 10 minutes!
Okay, so here’s the meat of XMO:W’s problem: it seems to see itself not as a serious film or even respectable piece of cinema but simply a cash crop, and that’s a shame, because Jackman does a really decent job at portraying the clawed hero despite the script’s every attempt at putting him down. Every other character is a viable throwaway, some of them don’t even have dialogue. It’s a shame that the film advertising all of these X-Men and mutants only gives them a few frames of screen time before disposing of them, and it only hammers in the point that this movie isn’t really designed to please its audience, it's designed to get them to come spend money on it.
The story falls into more clichés than should be acceptable with superhero movies at this point. Yes, we all want emotion and drama with our heroes, these days, but XMO:W goes to extents that are so blatantly lame attempts at cheap-shotting us into feeling anything for the characters presented that it’s downright insulting sometimes. Consider that in with its short running time of just over an hour and a half, and I really don’t think you need any more proof that the movie’s only objective is to suck cash from your wallets at the whim of your children, who whine about wanting to go see it. Oh, did I mention that the effects aren’t much more impressive than a made-for-TV science fiction fare? Well they are, another cost-cutting move, no doubt.
By now you have the idea that XMO:W is a bad movie, but let me assure you that it’s not. But it’s not a good one, either. But nope, not quite decent. It’s right below decent, teetering in between that and “bad.” There really isn’t anything glaringly wrong with it, but it’s so rushed and convoluted in its story telling that it doesn’t take the time to get anything right. Logan's real name is James. His brother is Victor. They fight a lot. The end.
I can’t honestly call the film a failure. To me, a movie fails when it performs below expectations. XMO:W, though, is exactly what you expect it to be when you sit down to watch it. It’s full of action (though cheesy action), and I’ll be damned if Hugh Jackman doesn’t give it his all. So, despite its poor, poor direction, its few saving graces are enough for it to proudly be christened the King of the Movies with Subscripts. Congratulations.
Score: 5/10
